Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
