She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
