I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
