how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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