you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
