me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
