I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
