The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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