at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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