Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
lets start a swedish sibling band together
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
