i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize