i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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