It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
