Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
