I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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