i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he was CRYING into my vagina
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
