Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
