Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
