I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
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