Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
