im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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