ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Randomize
