Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
