why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
