Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
