oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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