Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
