Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
