Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
