I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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