What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
