I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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