I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
