You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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