My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
