Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
