Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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