I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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