At least make sure they are 18
Why
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
