3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
