I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I supernannyed him into submission
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
