Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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