Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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