The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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