i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
