Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
