I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
