don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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