WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
