..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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