you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Oh god it's open bar.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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