I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
