Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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