you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
