so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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