No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
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