I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
it's great music for shaving your balls
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Just puked most of my soul out..
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
