Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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