Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
