i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
