i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
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