it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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