I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize