If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
