No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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