guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
