He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
