Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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