This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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