Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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