I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
