I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
