I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
how do flat chested girls get laid?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
