Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
