Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
